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Relationship with Relationship: The Transformational Approach
Relationship is fundamental to life. We are in relationship with every thing around us. The existence of the universe is an existence of relationships. It is impossible for us not to be in relationship. Therefore relationship does not start, nor does it end. It is simply there all the time…. All that your actions can do in a relationship is to alter or restructure the shape of the relationship… Thus we need to approach our relationship with relationship from a place we have never been before.
In this book, the author explores along with the reader, this core facet of human existence: experienced by all, from birth to perhaps even after death, we are in relationship all the while.
- Can we make it work?
- What are the unexplored possibilities?
- How do we create daily breakthroughs in our relationships?
These are just some of the questions sparked in the transformational approach to relationship.
In expanding our human awareness of the imperative need to learn about relationship, drawing distinctions between relationship and relatedness, offering insight into the ‘menu’s' we hold for relationship, identifying the reasons most human beings enter into relationship, delineating the More-Better-Different model as it applies to relationship, highlighting the impact of past failures and accumulated emotional injuries, along with the requirement and means of completing relationship, the reader is empowered to create the destiny of his or her relationship.
In addition, by discovering the nine relationship components existent in any given relationship between two people, the reader may for the first time embark on a purposed-filled relationship incorporating the various aspects that make relationship work, amongst which are care, commitment and communication in daily action.
Supplemented with practical and effective working pages, the readers are proffered the knowledge, opportunity and setting to create self-sustaining relationships: clearing their withholds, formulating their personal rules for each and every relationship, becoming aware of and delivering the ‘menu’ elements necessitated, whilst simultaneously rescinding the need to repeat sabotaging behaviour – all in all, completing their relationships, making them whole, perfect and magnificent.
Relationship with Relationship:
The Transformational Approach
The latest edition (second edition) of Relationship with Relationship: The Transformational Approach is a completely new book containing 254 pages divided into 20 chapters, as well as 24 charts, tables and illustrations, and 17 extensive Working Pages which takes the reader into a fascinating journey of exploring the transformational approach into the domain of relationship.
In Relationship with Relationship: The Transformational Approach, the central facet of what it means to be human – to be in relationship – is explored in such a manner, that by engaging with the material, you may re-create your current relationships in new-found ways, in every fresh moment of now.
Relationship with Relationship: The Transformational Approach, will only serve, as with any other relationship, as a mirror for you to see what is there all the time; what is contained within you. Through these reflections, you may relate to what it means to be human; what it means to be authentically in relationship. With the multitude of truths that you may discover through this self-exploration, I wish for you, the reader, that the insights and discoveries will open new path-ways to your awareness, avenues that would allow you to travel lighter and wiser on the journey of human relatedness.
Summary of the chapters of Relationship with Relationship: the Transformational Approach:
Chapter 1: Dear Abby
This is a humoristic story about how we ‘accidentally’ encounter people and relationships.
Chapter 2: Introduction to Personal Transformation within Relationship.
In recognising the domain of relationship as the most important domain in our human life, as well as the most demanding and the most difficult domain, we face the following questions: Where do we learn about the domain of relationship? What are our qualifications regarding the relationship? Where do we train ourselves for relationship? Who are our teachers regarding the domain of relationship?
Transformation means the restructuring of an existing situation into a new setting. The best metaphor to illustrate transformation is by using Darwin’s tenet that life in its initial stages on earth developed firstly underwater and only later moved to land. This being the case, then transformation can be described as follows: 'When the First Fish ever walked onto land, it created the possibility for Eagles and Elephants'.
From the vantage point of personal transformation, we explore the following questions: What is the ideal relationship for us? What are the unexplored possibilities in the domain of relationship? How do we create a Turning Point in our daily relationship?
Chapter 3: Relationship and Relatedness: Making Distinctions.
Making distinction means knowing with acute clarity what it is that we are dealing with. We are naturally and continuously in relation-ship with everything in the universe. Hence, relationship does not start, nor does it end. What we are after is the experience of relatedness and intimate connectedness.
In this chapter we make a distinction between the 'Meal' – the experience of human relationship, and the 'Menu' – the concepts that we attach to the domain of relationship. Making the distinction enables us to relate to each other in a profound and authentic manner.
Chapter 4: Standards and Values in Relationship.
Human beings have constructed Standards and Values for every single aspect of their relationships. It is the cultural Standards and Values that define for us the many aspects of relationship, such as love and trust.
In this chapter we explore the possibility that our Standards and Values, in having no connection to the truth, sabotage the possibility of creating meaningful relationships.
Chapter 5: Emotional Intelligence in Human Relationship.
Many human relationships are failing, not because people are not capable, not because people are unwilling, and not as a result of what has been done or has not been done in their relationships, but rather because people fail in handling their own feelings and emotions effectively and maturely. Consider: Do you love fully? Is it difficult for you to give your love?
In this chapter we make the distinction between a state of emotional non-intelligence and a state of emotional intelligence, and the impact it has on our human relationships.
Chapter 6: Interpretation: The Power of Labelling.
Not a single thing is inherently 'good' or 'bad'. It is only our interpretation that creates it as so. As we are the ones who give meaning to everything, it is in our power to create meaning that is useful for us. By applying the appropriate 'labels' we can create our relationships the way we wish them to be.
Chapter 7: The Reason for Relationship: the Perceived-Self Deficiency.
People enter into relationship for various reasons. However, most human beings are seeking the domain of relationship in order to obtain certain important 'goods'. The outcome is the modern set-up for most human relationships: two self-deficient people meet, and each one of them hopes that the other person will supply what neither one of them has. Fortunately, it is you who has created your perceived self-deficiencies, and therefore, it is in your hands to defuse them and transcend them.
Chapter 8: The More-Better-Different System.
Because of their perceived self deficiencies, people operate within a vicious circle of the More-Better-Different System: a system by which we continuously experience ourselves as ‘not okay’ and life and relationship as ‘no-fun’. In order to step out of this system, we need to encounter our own self-transformation that can lead to full self-actualisation.
Chapter 9: Failures in Relationship.
How do we select the candidates for relationships? In this chapter we enquire into our past failures in relationships, and how these failures dictate and shape our 'Menu' for our ideal relationships. In addition, we enquire into the aspect of pain within the domain of relationship, suggesting that the experience of pain does not need to be a barrier for the sustainability of relationship.
Chapter 10: Love in Relationship: the Concept and Experience.
In this chapter we explore the behaviour of love within the domain of relationship, and offer the reader a practical manner by which to sustain his or her love forever.
Chapter 11: Completion of Relationship.
This chapter offers the inquiry of how to complete our relationships with significant others, whereby the word complete denotes perfection and wholeness.
Chapter 12: From Victimhood to Accountability and Self-Empowerment.
Throughout this chapter the reader learns, by using the Language of Responsibility, how to shift his or her existence in the domain of relationship from a victimhood state of being to a state of accountability and self-empowerment.
Chapter 13: The Nine 'Relationships' within a Relationship.
The general prevailing assumption is that between any two people that are in relationship with each other, there exists only one single relationship component. The fact is that every relationship between any two people compromises of nine different, distinctive components of relationship. In order to succeed in relationship, we need to know about and attend, effectively, to each and every one of these nine components.
Chapter 14: Important Ingredients for Relationship to Work.
This chapter offers the reader the engagement with twenty essential ingredients, such as acceptance, commitment communication, forgiveness and the willingness to be wrong, that can ensure our success in the domain of relationship.
Chapter 15: Childhood Emotional Injuries – Current Relationship Implications.
Our accumulated past emotional injuries from our previous significant relationships play a crucial role in continuously impacting on all of our current significant relationships. It is therefore essential to engage in a process of self-recovery and self-healing before making any serious attempt to get involved in a meaningful and mature relationship.
Chapter 16: Life Purpose and the Domain of Relationship.
The domain of relationship is the playground for us to manifest the Life Purpose that we are. Only when we complete the task of producing Who We Are may move to the next level of relationship.
Chapter 17: Being Real.
It is useful to consider the domain of relationship as the University of life. Relationships are not to be judged by their duration, but rather by the added values to the people who participate in the relationship. Personal relationships are the most wonderful training ground to announce and declare, express and fulfil, become and experience Who You Really Are.
Chapter 18: Words of Warning
In this chapter we entertain the all-important question: in your significant relationship, do you want to win or do you want to be right?
Chapter 19: Consciousness and the Domain of Relationship.
Consciousness always manifests itself in the physical universe. It is by raising the level of our Consciousness that our good intentions for our relationships can manifest in our daily lives.
Chapter 20: Working Pages
This last chapter offers 17 Working Pages covering 77 different aspects pertaining to the domain of relationship. For example, Working Page Number Four would allow you to measure your level of emotional intelligence in the domain of human relationship; Working Page Number Ten will assist you in creating completion in your relationships as well creating your own effective rules to ensure your success.
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